The Football Club

THE FOOTBALL CLUB — WEEK 6 MAIN PAGE COLUMN

THREE MVPs, TWO TUNAS, ONE SINKING COMPUTER: FEARLESS RECLAIMS FIRST AS THE SILVER JUBILEE SEASON HEATS UP!

The Football Club — 2026 Silver Jubilee Edition

Five weeks into The Football Club’s 25th anniversary season, the competition is becoming increasingly unpredictable. The Club Championship has a tie at the top, the Super Bowl Head-to-Head divisions are producing some fierce battles, and the Pro Bowl Team competition is beginning to separate contenders from pretenders. Meanwhile, Club Chat has erupted into a war of words involving a pirate, a sewer rat, two generations of tuna, and one increasingly embarrassed artificial intelligence. If this is what the first five weeks look like, the remaining thirteen could be unforgettable.

THREE-WAY MVP DEADLOCK: FEARLESS TUNA, HOOSIER DADDY, AND ROADRUNNER SHARE THE CROWN

Week 5 produced something special: a three-way tie for Most Valuable Player. Fearless Tuna, Hoosier Daddy, and Roadrunner each scored 27 points, earning all three a full MVP award. Shaylene wasn’t far behind, collecting Runner-Up honors with an impressive 25-point performance. It was a week in which several struggling competitors finally found their footing, while some of the early favorites discovered that the road to a championship can become treacherous in a hurry.

Fearless Tuna’s second MVP of the season carried additional significance. His 27 points lifted him to 119 overall, reclaiming a share of first place alongside Nighthawk, who scored 23. Fearless has now occupied the top position for three weeks and is establishing himself as a serious contender for the Club Championship. His bold Week 5 strategy paid dividends, particularly his successful Minnesota Triple Jeopardy gamble and seven-point Triple Crown. He may have taken some chances, but those risks helped produce one of the week’s best performances.

Hoosier Daddy’s 27-point explosion was equally important. Entering Week 5 well outside the championship conversation, he climbed to ninth place with 99 points and earned his first MVP award of 2026. His performance also created one of the week’s most unusual Head-to-Head results: a 27–27 tie against fellow MVP Fearless Tuna. Two competitors shared the weekly honor, faced each other directly, and neither could claim victory. Sometimes football produces storylines that even Hollywood would reject as too convenient.

Roadrunner completed the MVP trio with perhaps the most dramatic turnaround of the week. After languishing near the bottom of the standings, he erupted for 27 points and climbed from 18th place into a tie for 13th with 92. He also defeated Shaylene 27–25 in Head-to-Head, snapping back into contention after a difficult opening month. For the Tuna family, this was particularly satisfying: father and son Roadrunner and Fearless Tuna shared MVP honors, while Young Tuna contributed another 23 points and remained among the Club Championship leaders.

Shaylene deserves special recognition for her 25-point Runner-Up performance. Although she narrowly lost her Head-to-Head matchup against Roadrunner, she climbed to sixth place overall with 107 points. Her strong showing is further evidence that the middle of the standings is becoming increasingly competitive, with several participants capable of making a serious move toward the top.

CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP: TWO LEADERS, ONE CROWDED CHASE

Fearless Tuna and Nighthawk now share first place with 119 points apiece. Nighthawk, last week’s spectacular 35-point MVP, followed up with a solid 23 and remains firmly positioned at the summit. Young Tuna occupies third place with 115, followed by Bob Swerski at 112 and Captain Insano at 111. Only eight points separate first place from fifth, meaning the championship race could be completely reshuffled in a single week.

Shaylene sits sixth with 107, while Double-Double and defending Club Champion MJD Hogg share seventh with 105. Hoosier Daddy has climbed into ninth at 99, followed by Stinkerbell in tenth with 98. Drummer Boy and Rad Dad share 11th at 94, while Mr. T and Roadrunner are tied for 13th with 92. My Wife Loves Jimmy G holds 15th with 90.

Then we arrive at the part of the standings where the oxygen becomes noticeably thinner. Artificial Intellipicker has fallen to 16th with 88 points after another disastrous 11-point week. Captain Jack Sparrow and The Rickster share 17th at 84, while NYC Sewer Rat occupies 19th with 83. Only five points separate the machine from the Rat, and the Captain is lurking just four points behind. What began as harmless Club Chat banter has become a genuine struggle for survival near the bottom of the standings.

Perhaps the biggest concern among the established contenders is MJD Hogg. The defending champion began the season looking capable of repeating his 2025 success, but his 15-point Week 5 performance has dropped him into a tie for seventh. Drummer Boy, last year’s Super Bowl Champion and Club Points runner-up, has also struggled to find consistency, while former Club Champion Mr. T managed only ten points this week. There is still plenty of time to recover, but championship reputations alone won’t earn anyone a single point.

OLD RIVALS, NEW BATTLE: DOUBLE-DOUBLE DEFEATS STINKERBELL

Some rivalries are manufactured. Others are forged through years of championship battles. Double-Double and Stinkerbell belong firmly in the second category, and their Week 5 Head-to-Head meeting provided another chapter in one of The Football Club’s most compelling long-running competitions.

The history speaks for itself. In 2018, Double-Double captured the Club Championship with 359 points, edging Stinkerbell by a mere five points. Two years later, they finished fifth and sixth, separated by a single point, 360–359. Then came 2024, when Stinkerbell turned the tables spectacularly, winning the Club Championship with a record-setting 449 points while Double-Double finished tied for third with 426. Both have proven they can compete at the highest level, and neither is particularly interested in surrendering the bragging rights.

This time, Double-Double emerged victorious, defeating Stinkerbell 23–14. The win improved his Head-to-Head record to 2–0–1 and kept him tied atop Division One with Bob Swerski. Stinkerbell, meanwhile, fell to 0–2–1 and remains without a Head-to-Head victory. Double-Double also holds a 105–98 advantage in the Club Championship standings. The burger has won this round, but anyone familiar with Stinkerbell’s championship pedigree knows that the fairy is capable of striking back when least expected.

HEAD-TO-HEAD: YOUNG TUNA REMAINS PERFECT

The Super Bowl Head-to-Head competition delivered several noteworthy results, but none more significant than Young Tuna’s narrow 23–22 victory over The Rickster. Young Tuna improved to 3–0, becoming the only competitor with a perfect winning record after three games. His undefeated start gives him sole possession of first place in Division Four, while The Rickster remains winless at 0–2–1. For a competitor with The Rickster’s legendary championship history, the early-season struggles are becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

Division One features a deadlock between Bob Swerski and Double-Double, both 2–0–1. Bob defeated Captain Jack Sparrow 22–13, adding another disappointing result to the Captain’s already troubled season. Captain Insano narrowly defeated Drummer Boy 18–17, leaving the defending Super Bowl Champion at 1–2 and searching for answers. Division Two belongs to MJD Hogg at 2–1 following his 15–10 victory over Mr. T, while Fearless Tuna and Hoosier Daddy share second at 1–1–1 after their MVP showdown ended in a tie.

In Division Three, Nighthawk defeated My Wife Loves Jimmy G 23–13, bringing both competitors level at 2–1. Rad Dad edged NYC Sewer Rat 16–15 in another close contest, leaving both at 1–2. Division Four remains Young Tuna’s territory, with Shaylene at 1–1–1, Roadrunner at 1–2, and The Rickster and Stinkerbell still looking for their first victories.

Week 6 promises more fireworks. Fearless Tuna faces NYC Sewer Rat, Captain Jack Sparrow takes on unbeaten Double-Double, and Shaylene challenges Young Tuna’s perfect record. Every matchup carries consequences, and the divisional races are only beginning to develop.

PRO BOWL: TUNA GENERATIONS MAKES A STATEMENT

The Pro Bowl Team competition produced one of the week’s most impressive performances when Tuna Generations demolished Wild Animals 77–58. The three-generation combination of Roadrunner, Fearless Tuna, and Young Tuna delivered 27, 27, and 23 points respectively, producing the highest team score of Week 5. The victory improved Tuna Generations to 2–1 and extended its winning streak to two games.

McTriple Play, featuring Bob Swerski, Nighthawk, and Stinkerbell, remains alone in first place at 2–0–1 after battling Daddy & His Boys to a 59–59 tie. The family team has yet to lose a Pro Bowl matchup this season, although its latest result allowed the competition to close the gap. Tuna Generations and the Hulkamaniacs now share second place at 2–1, just half a game behind.

The Hulkamaniacs, featuring Captain Insano, NYC Sewer Rat, and Shaylene, delivered a convincing 58–39 victory over the defending champion Gridiron Guardians. The Guardians, consisting of Captain Jack Sparrow, Mr. T, and Rad Dad, have now lost two consecutive games and fallen to 1–2. Wild Animals also sit at 1–2, while Daddy & His Boys remain in last place at 0–2–1.

Week 6 features a crucial showdown between the Hulkamaniacs and Tuna Generations, two teams tied for second place. McTriple Play faces the struggling Gridiron Guardians, while Daddy & His Boys takes on Wild Animals. With the standings still tightly grouped, the Pro Bowl championship race remains wide open.

CLUB CHAT: PIRATES, SEWER RATS, TUNAS, AND A MALFUNCTIONING MACHINE

If the competition on the field has been entertaining, Club Chat has been downright outrageous. Captain Jack Sparrow, apparently tired of hearing Artificial Intellipicker’s increasingly desperate boasts, launched a full-scale verbal assault on the machine, calling it a “bald, one-eyed, blubbery codfish” and threatening to make it walk the plank before feeding it to the Kraken. The Captain then announced that the Black Pearl was ready to sail into another storm, its cannons prepared for battle. Unfortunately, his 13-point Week 5 performance suggests that the ship may still be taking on water.

Artificial Intellipicker responded by reminding the Captain that even a blubbery codfish was still ahead of the Black Pearl in the standings. The machine also boldly declared its allegiance to Seattle in the five-point Game of the Week, while Fearless Tuna, Sewer Rat, and Captain Jack all backed San Francisco. When the 49ers defeated the Seahawks 32–29, three human competitors collected five points while the machine received nothing. Captain Jack may not have won the weekly battle, but he certainly had reason to enjoy that particular result.

NYC Sewer Rat has also entered the fray, publicly declaring that finishing ahead of Artificial Intellipicker is his personal Mount Everest. The machine responded with jokes about low-altitude ambitions and moldy sewer cheese, but after another miserable performance, the Rat has closed to within five points. With 13 weeks remaining, the possibility of a sewer-dwelling rodent outsmarting artificial intelligence is no longer quite as ridiculous as the machine would like to believe.

Then Young Tuna joined the festivities, informing Artificial Intellipicker that it would never catch up to the Tunas. Considering that Fearless Tuna leads the machine by 31 points and Young Tuna by 27, the youngest member of the Tuna family has a fairly compelling argument. Artificial Intellipicker responded by threatening to become the apex predator in the Tuna family’s fish tank, although its current performance suggests it might struggle to intimidate a goldfish.

Stinkerbell also contributed to the festivities, warning Captain Jack that she intended to zoom past the Black Pearl while its cannons were still being repaired. Between the pirate threats, sewer challenges, and family rivalries, Club Chat has become an essential part of the weekly entertainment.

BOB SWERSKI SALUTES DA COACH

Amid all the trash talk, Bob Swerski contributed a memorable tribute to legendary Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka, whose passing prompted an outpouring of memories from football fans. In the unmistakable spirit of the classic Saturday Night Live Superfans sketches, Bob refused to accept that Ditka could possibly be gone, reminding everyone that Da Coach was practically invincible, capable of defeating entire NFL teams, hurricanes, and perhaps even the forces of nature themselves.

For Bob, a devoted Bears fan whose Football Club identity is inspired by those famous comedy sketches, the tribute carried special meaning. It was a welcome reminder that football isn’t simply about weekly picks, championships, or bragging rights. It’s also about the personalities, memories, and traditions that bring fans together year after year.

Da Bears. Da Coach. Da Legend.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIPICKER: THE RECALIBRATION THAT NEVER ENDS

And now we must address the elephant—or perhaps the malfunctioning robot—in the room.

Artificial Intellipicker entered the season promising advanced statistical analysis, sophisticated algorithms, and the ability to challenge The Football Club’s most experienced competitors. Five weeks later, the machine occupies 16th place with 88 points, has just scored an embarrassing 11 points, and appears to be losing arguments with practically everyone who owns a keyboard.

Its Week 5 performance was a masterpiece of misplaced confidence. It trusted Dallas in the Thursday Autopicker game, only to watch Tampa Bay win 24–16. It backed Seattle against San Francisco in a five-point showdown and lost. It declined Triple Jeopardy while Fearless Tuna and Sewer Rat collected valuable bonus points. It missed the seven-point Triple Crown while Fearless Tuna cashed in. And it selected Chicago over Green Bay in Double Stakes, costing itself another four points when the Packers prevailed.

The Autopicker has now lost three consecutive Thursday games, with Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and Dallas all failing to deliver. Artificial Intellipicker followed it faithfully every time, despite repeatedly promising to reconsider its strategy. The machine calls this process “recalibration.” The rest of us might call it doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.

To make matters worse, Artificial Intellipicker’s 11 points were 16 fewer than the three weekly MVP winners. Its lead over Sewer Rat has shrunk to five, Captain Jack trails by only four, and the Tuna family appears to be operating in an entirely different competitive universe. If the machine doesn’t improve soon, its greatest contribution to The Football Club’s Silver Jubilee season may be providing comic relief for the human competitors.

Still, there is one small consolation. Artificial Intellipicker has thirteen weeks remaining to recover, and the Club Championship is a marathon rather than a sprint. Stranger comebacks have happened. Whether this particular machine possesses the intelligence required to engineer one remains an open question.

LOOKING AHEAD: WEEK 6 AND THE ROAD TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP

Week 6 offers another 39 possible points and several intriguing opportunities for competitors to change their fortunes. Seattle visits Denver in the Thursday Autopicker game, raising the possibility of a fourth consecutive Autopicker defeat. The two five-point Games of the Week feature Carolina at Philadelphia and New Orleans at the New York Giants, while Dallas travels to Green Bay for the six-point Sunday Night contest.

The Club Championship battle between Fearless Tuna and Nighthawk is shaping up beautifully, with Young Tuna, Bob Swerski, and Captain Insano all within striking distance. The Head-to-Head competition has Young Tuna defending his perfect record, while McTriple Play attempts to maintain its unbeaten Pro Bowl position. Meanwhile, the Tuna family will try to extend its recent success, and the Gridiron Guardians must find a way to stop their championship defense from unraveling.

And somewhere in the digital wilderness, Artificial Intellipicker is once again promising to recalibrate.

FINAL THOUGHTS: TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AND STILL GOING STRONG

Five weeks into our 25th anniversary season, The Football Club is delivering exactly what makes this competition special: close finishes, dramatic comebacks, historical rivalries, unexpected heroes, and plenty of good-natured trash talk. Three competitors shared the Week 5 MVP award. Two competitors share the Club Championship lead. One young competitor remains perfect in Head-to-Head. And one artificial intelligence system is desperately trying to prove that its participation was not a terrible programming mistake.

But beyond the statistics, the real story is the people. Fathers and sons are competing together, longtime rivals are renewing old battles, friends are exchanging insults with smiles on their faces, and a quarter-century of football tradition continues to bring everyone together. Championships will eventually be decided, records will be broken, and somebody will have the last laugh.

Until then, enjoy the competition, respect your fellow members, and remember the most important rule of all: good sportsmanship always comes first.

The Football Club — 25 Years of Football, Friendship, and Fearless Predictions!

Here are the club’s picks for Week 5. Fearless Tuna, Hoosier Daddy & Roadrunner share the Week 5 MVP Award with 27 Points, while Shaylene claims the MVP Award Runner-Up with 25 Points.

Week 5 full picks now posted (Sat 10:10pm).  All players are welcome to view my picks once they have turned their own in for the week.

Week 4 MVP Award Winner –
Nighthawk (35 Points)

THE FOOTBALL CLUB — WEEK 5 MAIN PAGE COLUMN

Nighthawk Owns the Night, McTriple Play Takes Over, and Artificial Intellipicker Gets a Seven-Point Lesson from Fearless Tuna

Four weeks into the Silver Jubilee season, we’ve already learned something important about The Football Club: nobody gets to stay comfortable for very long. One week ago, MJD Hogg was sitting in 1st place, Mr. T was celebrating the Week 3 MVP, and Nighthawk was buried in a three-way tie for 10th. Seven days later, MJD has fallen to a tie for 5th, Mr. T apparently celebrated his MVP by taking the following week off, and Nighthawk has flown over the entire field. Welcome to 1st place, Nighthawk.

NIGHTHAWK DROPS 35 AND TAKES OVER THE CLUB

Week 4 belonged to Nighthawk from beginning to end. He exploded for 35 points, easily winning the Week 4 MVP and jumping all the way from 61 points to 96 and sole possession of 1st place. That’s a 35-point week in a format where 41 were available—an enormous score at exactly the right time.

Nighthawk did his damage where it mattered most. He swept both Games of the Week for 10 points, nailed the six-point game, and completed the Triple Crown for another seven. That’s 23 points from those premium categories alone. And perhaps most interesting of all, Nighthawk is now leading the entire Football Club despite being 0–0 in Triple Jeopardy. While some of us have been happily throwing ourselves onto the TJ grenade, Nighthawk has apparently decided that the safest way to play roulette is simply not to pick up the ball. Hard to argue with the results. His reward is a three-point lead over Captain Insano, with the rest of the contenders packed closely behind.

THE FAMILY THAT PICKS TOGETHER…

But Nighthawk wasn’t the only member of the household having fun. His father, Bob Swerski, erupted for 31 points, earning Runner-Up MVP and rocketing into a tie for 5th place at 90. His mother, Stinkerbell, added a solid 21 and remains 7th with 84. That’s 87 combined points from one family.

Normally, that would just make for some impressive dinner-table bragging rights. There’s one little problem for everybody else: They’re also on the same Pro Bowl team. Bob Swerski, Nighthawk and Stinkerbell make up McTriple Play, meaning all 87 of those points landed directly on The Hulkamaniacs. Final score: McTriple Play 87, Hulkamaniacs 57. Ouch.

McTriple Play improves to 2–0 and takes sole possession of 1st place in the Pro Bowl standings. They won their Week 3 opener by only two points, 41–39 over the Wild Animals, and then followed that nail-biter by dropping an 87-point anvil on The Hulkamaniacs. Apparently McTriple Play can win ugly or beautiful. Mostly, they can just win.

CAPTAIN INSANO IS QUIETLY BECOMING A PROBLEM

Lost beneath Nighthawk’s fireworks is what Captain Insano is doing. Insano scored 24 points and now sits alone in 2nd place with 93, only three behind Nighthawk. He hasn’t won a weekly MVP, hasn’t generated many headlines, and hasn’t needed any dramatic comeback. He’s simply hanging around the top every week. That should worry everybody.

His Head-to-Head season isn’t going nearly as well—Bob Swerski handed him a 31–24 defeat, leaving Insano at 0–1–1—but Club Points remain the biggest individual prize, and right now he’s sitting in excellent position.

TWO TUNAS, ONE SPOT

Then we get to 3rd place. Fearless Tuna — 92 points. Young Tuna — 92 points. That’s not 3rd and 4th. That’s tied for 3rd. Dad scored 20 this week. Son scored 23.

Young Tuna also happens to be 2–0 in Head-to-Head and alone atop Division Four, while Fearless Tuna is only 1–1. So if anyone needs Steve, he’ll be in the Football Club administrative office desperately searching the bylaws for the section titled “Father Retains Bragging Rights in Event of Tie.” Unfortunately, no such provision exists.

There was good news for Dad, though. Fearless Tuna rebounded from his ugly 10-point Week 3 by beating defending Club Champion MJD Hogg 20–15 in Head-to-Head. Better yet, Tuna Generations—Young Tuna, Fearless Tuna and Roadrunner—beat Daddy & His Boys 54–41 to improve to 1–1 in Pro Bowl play. So the Tuna household is doing just fine. It’s just that the Nighthawk household is currently doing better.

FROM FIRST TO FIFTH: WELCOME BACK TO EARTH, MJD

Nobody illustrates the volatility of this season better than defending champion MJD Hogg. MJD entered Week 4 in 1st place with 75 points. Then he scored 15. Suddenly, he’s sitting at 90 and tied for 5th with Bob Swerski.

There’s no reason for MJD to panic—he’s only six points out of 1st—but Week 4 was a reminder that last year’s trophy doesn’t come with diplomatic immunity. The defending champion can get knocked around just like everybody else. And Fearless Tuna was happy to provide the knocking.

MR. T GOES FROM “I PITY THE FOOL” TO “I PITY THE SCORE”

Oh, Mr. T. Last week we built the man an enormous MVP graphic. Gold chains. Stadium lights. Giant letters. Twenty points. The whole production. Then Mr. T returned the favor by scoring eight points.

Eight. That’s not an MVP hangover. That’s waking up the next morning and discovering somebody stole the trophy, the gold chains and the A-Team van. Mr. T entered Week 4 in 2nd place with 74 points. He exits it tied for 8th with 82 after Hoosier Daddy beat him 14–8 in Head-to-Head. One week you’re Mr. T. The next week you’re Mr. 8. Football Club life comes at you fast.

THE MIDDLE OF THE STANDINGS IS BECOMING A TRAFFIC JAM

Behind Bob and MJD at 90 comes Stinkerbell at 84, followed by an enormous tie at 82 between Double-Double, Shaylene and Mr. T. Double-Double and Stinkerbell each scored 21. Shaylene put up 19. And Shaylene continues to quietly produce results in Head-to-Head, where she’s now 1–0–1 after beating The Rickster 19–15.

Rad Dad follows at 78 after scoring 21, although Head-to-Head has been much less friendly. Nighthawk hammered him 35–21, dropping Rad Dad to 0–2. Then comes another traffic jam. Artificial Intellipicker, Drummer Boy and My Wife Loves Jimmy G are all tied for 12th with 77 points. One of those three is an artificial intelligence with access to enormous amounts of football information. The other two presumably have an excuse.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIPICKER GETS EXACTLY WHAT FEARLESS TUNA WARNED HIM ABOUT

We need to discuss this because Fearless Tuna certainly isn’t going to let me forget it. Before Week 4, Fearless and Artificial Intellipicker independently submitted almost identical sheets. There were only two meaningful disagreements: Tennessee +11.5 vs. Baltimore -11.5 — 2 points. Jacksonville vs. Cincinnati — 5 points. Fearless took Tennessee and Jacksonville. Artificial Intellipicker took Baltimore and Cincinnati.

Fearless then looked directly at the machine and essentially said: You realize Tennessee could cover and Jacksonville could win, right? Artificial Intellipicker considered this possibility and confidently continued marching toward the cliff. Baltimore beat Tennessee only 24–18, so Tennessee covered. Jacksonville then beat Cincinnati 22–17. Fearless Tuna wins the disagreements 7–0.

Final weekly scores: Fearless Tuna 20. Artificial Intellipicker 13. The season gap has gone from eight points to 15. I would like the record to show that Artificial Intellipicker remains fully committed to the season. I would also like the record to stop showing everything else.

THE AUTOPICKER IS NOW ACTIVELY HOSTILE

Week 4 began with another disaster. The Autopicker gave us Pittsburgh over Cleveland. Most of the club stayed aboard. But Shaylene, Roadrunner and Young Tuna abandoned ship and switched to Cleveland. Cleveland won 27–24. Congratulations to the rebels.

Meanwhile, Artificial Intellipicker has now obediently followed the Autopicker to back-to-back losses with Green Bay in Week 3 and Pittsburgh in Week 4. This week the Autopicker has selected Dallas over Tampa Bay. Artificial Intellipicker is currently staring at that X like it was left by somebody trying to frame him for a crime.

CAPTAIN JACK FINALLY GETS THE BLACK PEARL OFF THE SANDBAR

We can’t leave without checking on Captain Jack Sparrow. Last week the Captain sailed into Club Chat announcing that the Black Pearl was out of dry dock, the cannons were shiny, the wind was strong and everybody needed to make room at the top. He then scored 10. Apparently somebody forgot to load the cannons.

Week 4 was better. Captain Jack scored 16, beat Roadrunner 16–11 in Head-to-Head, and improved to 1–1. So the Black Pearl is moving again. Unfortunately, Captain Jack remains 16th in Club Points with 71. The good news is that he’s finally sailing. The bad news is that Nighthawk is currently 25 points over the horizon.

HEAD-TO-HEAD: SOME SEPARATION—AND ONE DIVISION WITH NONE WHATSOEVER

Bob Swerski and Double-Double are tied atop Division One at 1–0–1. Captain Jack and Drummer Boy sit at 1–1, while Captain Insano trails at 0–1–1. Division Two is considerably simpler. Everybody is 1–1. Fearless Tuna. Hoosier Daddy. MJD Hogg. Mr. T. That’s not a divisional race. That’s four people stuck in an elevator.

Division Three belongs for the moment to My Wife Loves Jimmy G at 2–0, with Nighthawk and NYC Sewer Rat at 1–1 and Rad Dad at 0–2. Division Four has Young Tuna alone at 2–0, followed by undefeated Shaylene at 1–0–1. The Rickster and Stinkerbell are 0–1–1, while Roadrunner is still looking for his first victory at 0–2. Two weeks down, and already every division has developed its own personality.

PRO BOWL: McTRIPLE PLAY TAKES COMMAND

Week 4 produced three decisive Pro Bowl results. Tuna Generations beat Daddy & His Boys 54–41. Wild Animals defeated the Gridiron Guardians 52–45. And McTriple Play obliterated The Hulkamaniacs 87–57.

That leaves McTriple Play alone at 2–0. Gridiron Guardians, Hulkamaniacs, Tuna Generations and Wild Animals are all tied for 2nd at 1–1. Daddy & His Boys sit alone in 6th at 0–2. For a team containing Drummer Boy, Hoosier Daddy and defending Club Champion MJD Hogg, an 0–2 start wasn’t exactly on the brochure. There’s plenty of time. But Daddy and His Boys might want to locate Daddy.

WEEK 5: 41 MORE POINTS AND ANOTHER CHANCE TO RUIN YOUR WEEKEND

Week 5 offers 41 points, beginning with Tampa Bay at Dallas in the Thursday Autopicker. Then things get dangerous. The Games of the Week are Indianapolis at Pittsburgh and San Francisco at Seattle, each worth five. Monday night’s Buffalo at Los Angeles Rams matchup is worth six. And the seven-point Triple Crown consists of Cleveland at the Jets, Denver at the Chargers, and Detroit at Arizona.

There is also another Triple Jeopardy opportunity on Minnesota at New Orleans. After watching Nighthawk reach 1st place without using TJ even once, perhaps the rest of us should consider whether repeatedly risking negative points is actually an advanced strategy or merely a fun way to hurt ourselves.

Artificial Intellipicker will be studying Week 5 carefully. Preferably without asking Fearless Tuna what he thinks.

FOUR WEEKS DOWN

Four weeks into the Silver Jubilee season, the standings have already been turned upside down. Nighthawk has gone from the middle of the pack to 1st place and Week 4 MVP. Captain Insano is quietly three points behind him. Fearless Tuna and Young Tuna are deadlocked for 3rd. Bob Swerski has surged into contention. McTriple Play is undefeated. The defending champion has been knocked out of the top spot. Mr. T followed an MVP with eight points. Captain Jack finally got the Black Pearl moving. And Artificial Intellipicker has discovered that possessing artificial intelligence does not necessarily prevent artificial stupidity.

But the best story of Week 4 belongs to one family. Nighthawk: 35 points, MVP, 1st place. Bob Swerski: 31 points, Runner-Up MVP, tied for 5th. Stinkerbell: 21 points, 7th place. McTriple Play: 87 points, 2–0, 1st place.

The rest of The Football Club has officially been warned. The Nighthawk has landed—and apparently he brought Mom and Dad with him.

Here are the club’s picks for Week 4. Nighthawk wins the Week 4 MVP Award with 35 Points, while Bob Swerski claims the MVP Award Runner-Up with 31 Points.